journal entry #4

In "He's just not that into you," Jen and Ben are a couple that have been together for a very long time. 7 years, in fact. Jen really wants to get married, but Ben really doesn't, and whenever Jen brings it up, Ben gives his reasons for not wanting to get married. Eventually, they break up, because Jen doesn't like the fact that he won't agree with her on the idea of getting married. After being apart for a little while, they realize that they'd rather be together and not married, then not together at all. At this point, Jen has made a compromise for the relationship. She will agree to be with Ben, even if they aren't married. Ben, however, compromises as well by proposing to her. Both parties have now made compromises for the other person, and they live happily ever after.

journal entry #3

This one time, I was throwing a New Year's Eve party, while my parents were out of town. One of my best friends was (and still is) in a relationship with a girl that I don't like. He wanted to bring her to the party, and I was reluctant at first, but eventually I told him that yes, he could bring her, IF she had a SAFE and LEGAL way home (we were all underage at the time, and there was going to be drinking involved). He was fine with that, so I just went on my way. Later on, my sister told me that my friend was trying to convince her to drive his girlfriend home at the end of the night. This would have been fine, except that my sister didn't have her license, she only had her permit. That would be ILLEGAL, which breaks the original agreement. I was pretty fuckin pissed, so I texted him, expressing the fact that I didn't appreciate the fact that he tried to go behind my back, and get my sister to drive his girlfriend home. Things were relatively civil at first, but then I told him that unless he found an alternative solution, he and his girlfriend weren't welcome at the party. He then made an accusation about my motives behind me NOT wanting her to come to the party. This accusation was incorrect, but it was a low-blow, so I threw a low-blow right back at him. We went back and forth like this for about 30 minutes (all via text, which is why I had the balls to say this stuff)... We said some TERRIBLE things to each other, some things that we won't ever forget. Eventually, we had exhausted all of the dirt we had on each other (we had a lot, since we've been great friends for 6 years), and me and him didn't talk for a couple weeks. Eventually, he texted me, saying he wanted to apologize for the situation (since he started it). I said okay, so we got together, grabbed some dinner, and made up. The conflict definitely got out of control, but that's because me and him are both very prideful, and neither of us wanted to back down, or apologize, until later. It could have been handled better, if one of us just backed down during the low-blow portion of the fight.

journal entry #2

Family culture: Everyone in my family has slightly different religious views, but no one in my house believes in the Christian god, or any other god, for that matter. Almost everyone in my family votes democrat. No one in my family is very athletic, unless you count golf. Many people in my family, however, have some sort of musical background.

Personal culture: I'm the only person in my family that speaks spanish, on a fluent level. I was raised in a household that was strictly "no video-games" for a large portion of my life, but I broke free of that.

One thing that really changed me when it comes to my relationships with people, might be viewed as a negative thing, to some, depending on how you look at it. When I was in high school, I always tried to be friends with everyone. It worked, and I was a very well liked person, and pretty popular. I didn't like the idea of people not liking me, and I also feared the idea of me and someone's relationship taking a turn for the worst. Because of that, I always avoided confrontation, and tried to stay friendly with everyone. There was a girl I had a really big crush on, but I didn't want to say anything to her, because I didn't want things to get weird, and our friendship to take a turn for the worse. A good friend of mine, at the time said "You know what, dude, you're 'friends' with all of these people, and you have a lot of really close friends too. Why do you care so much about NOT being friends with one of the tons of people you're cool with in school? Take a risk, you have plenty to lose, in a good way." Since then, I've been a lot more willing to take risks, when it comes to my relationships with people. That mindset also allowed me to end relationships with people that I was better off NOT being friends with, without being worried about it. A friend since kindergarten had spent the entirety of high school making fun of me in front of his friends, for laughs. Me and him are no longer friends, and I was able to make this change because of the new perspective my friend offered me.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had my first girlfriend. That one lasted about 3 weeks, so it didn't really count, but a month later I had a girlfriend, who I was with for a year and a half. I actually wanted to break up with her after about a year, but we were very involved, and I knew she was very emotionally attached, so I procrastinated, for about 6 months... I had talked to my dad about it, and he had told me that I needed to do it sooner than later. Eventually, after further procrastination, my dad told me that it wasn't fair for me to be leading her on like this, and that I was grounded until I had broken up with her (yes, it was that bad). So, I finally bit the bullet, and did the right thing. It was hard, for both of us, but it was also very relieving knowing that I wouldn't be leading her on any further. I was sort of in denial about how bad the situation was, at the time, but after exiting the situation, and looking at it from another perspective, I realized that what I did was a terrible thing, and not a mistake I ever want to make again. Now, in relationships, if I feel things aren't working out, and I either lack the motivation to fix things, or I've tried fixing things, and it made no difference, I no longer procrastinate. It's not easy, but it's a hell of a lot easier than waiting 6 months before breaking things off.

I was friends with a girl in high school, who was very flirty. Me and her talked a lot, and she flirted with me a lot, so I flirted back. I was already attracted to her from the beginning, but the fact that she was flirting with me so much made me actively pursue a relationship with her. I figured that I liked her, and she seemed to like me, since she was flirting with me so much, so I wanted to give things a try. Before I made any bold moves, though, I talked to my friends about the flirting she was doing. I'd explain the situation to my friends (guys and girls) and they agreed, that she was definitely showing signs of interest. So, I asked her out, and she said she wasn't interested. I was pretty devastated, because my expectations were so high, considering the positive feedback from all of my friends. Even though she had blatantly told me that she wasn't interested, I was still convinced, by her actions, that she was interested in me. We continued to talk, she continued to flirt, so a little while later, I asked her to prom. She said "maybe" and that she'd have to think about it. I didn't want to rush her, or pester her about it, so I ceased contact with her, and was awaiting her "final answer". Two days before prom, I heard through the grapevine, that in-between that point, and the day I asked her to prom, she had gotten a different prom date, and was going in a limo with him, and a bunch of her other friends. I was hurt, yes, but mostly angry that she hadn't even said anything to me, and there were only 2 days left until prom. What I learned from this is that actions don't always reflect intent, or feelings. Since this experience, I've learned not to base decisions on outward actions alone. If I feel like I'm being flirted with, instead of just assuming that their interested, I ask girls what their intentions are, so that I can get a clear idea as to what's going on.

Who I am

1. Christopher Duncan
2. Son of John and Karen
3. Brother of Emma and Kaitlyn
4. Atheist
5. College Student
6. Single
7. A resident of Montclair
8. Tech junkie
9. Musician
10. In need of a shave.